Real Gay Agenda Item 8 – No Marriage in New Jersey

DAMMIT. THEY HAVE DISCOVERED THE TRUTH.

My top 5 favorite arguments against marriage equality, as stated by those demonstrating outside during the vote:

5. “It’s going to lead, uh, to confused, uh, children, it’s going to lead even possibly to experimentation by teens.”

4. “There is going to come a tide of perversion that this nation has not seen.”

3. “Causes a curse on your soul.”

2. “George Washington didn’t believe it in.”

and, y’all, I can’t believe that they figured out what it’s all really about.

1. “…it also increases the abortion rate.”

Because, seriously, same-sex couples in committed relationships have tons of unplanned pregnancies.

Real Gay Agenda Item 7, Not a One-Hit Wonder

Oh, Caitlin Upton, bless her heart.

But, wait, there’s more! She’s back and more smarter and more articulater than ever on TLC’s “King of the Crown,” in which a REAL beauty queen, Cy, tries to help her get back on the stage.

Poor thing.

And now? Y’all? Can it be true? Is Caitlin gonna be on my favorite show?

I wonder how you say “SUCH AS” in The Iraq? The South Africa?

Gay Agenda Item No. 6 – Dolly Parton Is Our Hero

So I was sitting here trying to find something to watch and, lo and behold, what came on? “A Smoky Mountain Christmas” starring Dolly Parton and Lee Majors. With a cameo by John Ritter, and other cool actors from the 80′s.

Please to enjoy this clip from this 1986 TV classic.

Y’all, seriously? This was one of the worst things I have ever seen. It was just sappy and ridiculous and so very, very lame, and, of course, I watched every minute of it. Thank goodness, because I wouldn’t have wanted to miss her nails.

Real Gay Agenda Item 5: You Poor Thing

Oh, Carrie Prejean, you poor, clueless, inappropriate twit. Who do you think…
Designed your gown? Most Likely Answer: A gay boy.
Did your hair? Most Likely Answer: A gay boy.
Your makeup? Most Likely Answer: A gay boy.
Sang in the choir at your church? Most Likely Answer: A gay boy.
What’s sadder than Larry King thinking you are a dipshit?
Answer: Not much.

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Gay Agenda Item 4 – EGADS!

BOTH of my gay husbands together. I die. Ya’ll? What’s better than Neil Patrick Harris AND Tim Gunn?

Yeah, I’m going with “nothing.”

Gay Agenda Item 3

Continuing to lay the groundwork – The Real Gay Agenda proudly introduces our most favorite guy:

It’s the handsome, witty, and talented Neil Patrick Harris.

I must admit that I was a little disappointed when he came out…I wasn’t surprised, but I was all “now we can never be together…” Then I remembered two things (1) I, too, am same-sex oriented, and (2) like we would have been anyway? What is wrong with me?

And, while we are furthering our agenda, specifically, according the the American Family Association’s website, the “decriminalisation (sic) of sodomy,” let’s feast our eyes on this handsome couple:

Oh, the picture of two sad, gay men, secretly lonely…NO, WAIT. Y’all, seriously? How cute are they? Plus, you know, puppies.

Gay Agenda Item 2 – Just Another Manic Mongay

Right here at the beginning, let’s get couple of things gay, shall we?

This is a picture of the Official Pretty, Pretty Girl of The Real Gay Agenda, look how pretty she is:

Gay Agenda Item 1

1984

First up on the Real Gay Agenda is a happy birthday wish to my best friend Michael.  He’s totally gay.  Gay. Gay.  Super gay.  He lives in Florida, and I never get to see him, so I miss him something fierce.  (FIERCE, excellent gay word.)

Our love affair began in junior high, heated up in high school, and has been going strong every since.

I love you, Mike G.

And I love our feathered hair.

The Real Gay Agenda

There IS a Homosexual/Gay Agenda.  It does exist. It’s deep and it’s real.  Don’t let the media mislead you about the true nature of the Agenda. Here you can learn the truth.

Did you know that unicorns are rapey bastards?

A Little About Me:

I grew up in Arkansas, and spent my entire life in the South before moving to Brooklyn, New York, in 2008. I have a a lovely girlfriend, four pups, I love Coca-Cola, fried chicken, my momma, and correct grammar. My favorite phrase is “such as.”

Please to enjoy.